Flower Raised Mayo

All you will need for happiness is an egg, oil and half the juice of a lemon or lime.

It is time to embrace fats. Do not glower at them with the knowledge the world flucked your mind up with. Remember back to when butter was on everything and bacon came with breakfast. Those moments gasm in your mouth because your body is telling them to you. Your body wants it. People on those silly low fat diets give up or hate life because their body is never full. Well that is what is supposed to happen.Your body isn’t full without fats. Our bodies are meant to talk to us and we are meant to listen.

A while ago we stopped listening to our bodies and instead learned to yell at them. We didn’t want to be hungry because that just meant we’d get fat. At least, that happened to me. I didn’t actually develop any eating disorder but that’s probably because I exercised all the time and did 100 jumping jacks if I gained any weight.

Now I finally have a wonderful relationship with food.

My body creates incredible tastes and I’m full all of the time. Food never controls me but in ways we both delight in. It comes into me and my body opens right up. My mind feels more blissed out and in control than it ever has before.

Even when hungry it is not ravenous. I can think of other things and can even forget about the hunger. As a 110 pound person that was not always the case. Before keto/paleo I would become hungry and then snap and bite at life. People were icky and every motion that wasn’t towards food was useless. Anger also arose and I just lost control. My body needed the food. Now it is satisfied with what I give it. Our relationship no longer needs therapy.

If you are ready to embrace fats then it is probably time for a delicious and fatty sauce. Mayonnaise. Sauces will be your new best friend. Go ahead and update your Myspace, Ha. Like you have that anymore

First of all you will need to acquire one egg. A chicken might just grant your wish. Please get the organic happy ones because the taste really comes out. You can test it. I tested on a highly skeptical friend that called bs and his mind mouth opened right up to my ways. The regular ones just taste either like nothing or plastic. They lack the nutrients to create a flavor.

You will also need a cup of lightly flavored oil. A strong one will work but the taste will overwhelm you. Don’t worry. You will train your brain in time. I chose the lemon olive one from Trader Joe’s and it is scrumtiousgasming.

Finally you will need the juice of half a lime or lemon. Mostly you will need an immersion blender. This is not a purchase you will regret my dears and if you do I welcome complaints.

First search for a container that barely fits the head of your immersion blender. A glass jar generally works. I, personally, could not find a container big enough to fit the head. I accidentally got a big one. I then used my French press to fit it.

Go ahead and lay out all of your ingredients on a cutting board outside:

Mayo Ingredients
Mayo Ingredients

Then, bring them back inside and crack your egg into the container. Realize that you need to take the French Press back outside for another photo. Then squeeze out the juice of half a lime or lemon. Now this squeezing thing. Called. Something. I think just lemon squeezer. Is also incredibly useful. It squeezes the juice and keeps the seeds. What more could one desire?

Don't worry about the dirty boards. No one will notice.
Don’t worry about the dirty boards. No one will notice.

Then you’ll  go back inside and pour in the oil.
Mayo Ingredients Ready To Whirl Captain

Let the egg droop down to the bottom and then stick the head of your immersion blender in. Plug it in first. Then press the blade spinning button and let it sit there for twenty seconds without moving it. Don’t worry. It is working away down there.
Getting Creamy Mam

Your mayo will begin to form into a delicious white.

Getting Creamy Mam

Finally you will have mayo.

Pour into a glass jar or Martini glass to serve.

Flower Raised Mayo
Clean out your immersion blender right away.

Electric Ingredients:

Immersion Blender

Glass Ingredients:

Jar

Food Ingredients:

One egg

One cup of a lightly flavored oil

1/2 the juice of a lime or lemon

Flowers to raise it all with

Directions

Put food ingredients into glass ingredient. Let the egg droop to the bottom. Stick head of immersion blender into jar and let it immerse for twenty seconds. Move up and down to fully form mayo.

Pour into margini glass and dip daikon radish fries in.

It’s deliciously whipped fat. Add whatever else your mouth desires.Many humans use garlic.

Macros: Total Fat 8.6 g, Total Carb: 1g, Protein: .3g

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